Pub: Duchess
Hare: On All Fours
Write up by Skylark
Well it seems that West London Hash has been feeling a little left behind what with London H3’s slick quarterly magazine, enviable hare-line, and professional website, and so they should. So to try to rectify this they decided to recruit one of London H3’s top scribes to acclaim their glorious trail from The Duchess at Battersea. This decision they may regret.
For choosing a pub that was within sight of the dog’s home, it was quipped that the hare, All Fours, should be renamed to All Paws. Instead she was made to give her chalk talk on hands and knees. This we felt was unfair treatment for someone who had stepped in at the last minute to fill yet another gap in West London’s increasingly sparse looking hare-line.
With an encouraging spurt of imagination, All Fours took the trail straight through the Savona estate. Sadly in this 8km trail in which Pope counted only seven checks, the well of creativity quickly dried. The highlight for most was the part where the hare got lost on her own trail and ended up blindly following the blundering pack, marking trail behind them as she went. She did though finally get us to Battersea Park and we briefly got to see the pagoda, the river, and the Rosary gate. It was essentially a quick in-out, but maybe that’s what she’s used to.
In all fairness it was a well-timed run, with most of the pack getting back to the pub in about an hour. The Duchess, with its range of fine ales, good location and eye catching décor (that would be the tastefully framed nudes then) is a venue to be remembered. Dingo, a GM that always leads by example, certainly thought so as she had spent the entire trail propping up the bar and getting increasingly giggly on the pub’s wine selection. Even before the on-out she had jumped onto Pope’s lap for a quick bounce up and down and left him with a wet crotch (from spilt wine). Then during the circle she had attempted to fling herself upon a departing five-a-side team who had simply wanted to get away from that group of weirdos with their rude songs.
The evening ended with even more debauchery as Dingo was plied, rather unnecessarily, with shooter cocktails. The Slippery Nipples came out, followed by Sex on the Beach and Screaming Orgasms. The bar staff didn’t actually know how to mix a screaming orgasm, so Dingo ended up having a fake one. Well, we’re sure that wasn’t the first time.
My work here as scribe is done. In the interests of fairness the London H3’s edit hare has been included on the distribution list, so that if West London decide to protect the guilty by way of censorship or publication ban then it can instead be included in the next edition of On Paper. Well we do like to give a fair representation of our rival London kennels. Oh and don’t forget, London H3 are hosting a far superior away weekend to the Norfolk Broads in August. See their website for details.