Author Archives: New Balls

Run 1788, Osterley A to B, 5th December 2019

And now for something completely different: an A to B run, where A is not a pub, hared by none other than the infamous Rambo! In fact our start was in front of some unfortunate bloke’s drive on the outskirts of Osterley Park, and about 20 minutes walk from Osterley tube station. Nevertheless, some adventurous hashers did make it for the start, plus two walkers who had perhaps not registered the fact that it is very difficult to devise significant short-cuts on an A to B run and still make it to B! So off we set, but not through Osterley Park, as most of us were assuming, but skirting around it before venturing off into familiar Rambo territory of golf courses, railway tracks, fields of horses, shiggy tracks, mounds of slippery mud, etc. At about 8.5km, the trail, which took in most of the green spaces either side of the canal, was thankfully somewhat shorter than the 10km we have come to expect from a Rambo trail, and got us to our final destination of Duffy’s bar relatively unscathed.

RA Butt Plug had been sensible enough to head directly for the pub but was still able to muster enough charges to put to the circle, and down-downs were duly consumed. Hats off to hare Rambo for trying something more adventurous for a change.

Run 1787, The Devereux, Temple, 28th November 2019

Where to start? Well, ideally at the pub, but only two arrows survived of the P-trail, thanks to an afternoon of rain prior to Thursday’s hash. Nevertheless, I think most hashers manged to navigate there somehow. From there on it was anybody’s guess as to where the trail led. Somehow Roadkill picked up the job of deputy hare while the official hare, Rollback, headed off to set up the drink stop. He was subsequently to regret agreeing to take on this role once it became apparent that the official trail was basically non-existent. I think I counted one surviving check and two arrows on the whole outing. But we hashers are a surprisingly resilient and resourceful bunch, and managed to improvise a half-decent trail as we went along, under the occasional direction of Roadkill, who had apparently “had a glance at the trail map” before leaving the pub. Debate about the likely route was along the lines: “I’m fairly sure that she (Rollback) would have wanted us to run around St Pauls, so let’s do that.” I’m not sure to what extent Roadkill knew that part of the City, but he took us on an interesting circular loop around the Museum of London area before heading off into the depths of Smithfeld Market. At that point, several of us decided to call it a day and head on back to the drink-stop where Rollback was indeed waiting with wine and jelly babies. (Sorry, no trail map. My GPS tracker don’t seem to work in the City).

Back in the Devereux, RA Whacker presided over the circle. Somehow, the hare got away with just the one down-down in spite of the trail debacle. (hint: use loads of flour, not chalk, in wet weather!) Down-downs also awarded to our two visitors.

Run 1786, The Windermere, South Kenton, 21st November 2019

On a somewhat chilly evening, Whacker’s promise that there would be no river crossings was most welcome (except perhaps for Rambo). Thus it was that we set off on a well marked trail around the streets and parks around South Kenton, enduring several false trails, until we finished up at a drink stop with plenty of the excellent Brewdog beer, and liquorice all-sorts !?! The pack did not linger too long there, knowing that a warm pub and possibly hot food awaited back at the Windermere.

Back at the pub the promised hash food did indeed make an appearance and was duly demolished in the customary feeding frenzy for which the WLH is well known. Pope took on RA duties and duly castigated random hashers for whatever misdemeanour. Then back to the social drinking. Thanks to the landlord of the Windermere for the hospitality.

Run 1784, The Albion, Twickenham, 7th November 2019

We were promised fireworks, and our hare, Man Magnet, duly delivered, assisted at the drinks/fireworks stop by Pickled Fart and KC. The trail to the sparklers took us around the streets of Twickenham, passing through the Crane River Park, with plenty of false trails to keep the pack together. Thanks go to Rambo, who augmented the WLH ‘official’ fireworks with an impressive explosive battery that he had been lugging around the trail in his back-pack.

Back in the Albion, RA Plug presided over the circle and dished out various down-downs, including one for our virgin. Hopefully we did not put him off coming again.

Run 1783, The Ram Brewery, Wandsworth, 31st October 2019

Originally billed as the Halloween Brexit Run, this weeks hash was a chance to celebrate (or bemoan) a further 3 months as Europeans. The joint hares for the evening were Sir Humpalot and Casting Slouch, who between them laid the trail around Wandsworth, as well as organising the beer and food for the evening. More on that later, but I think it s fair to say that they demonstrated that WLH can indeed arrange a piss-up in a brewery.

Casting Slouch, in her role as MC for the trail, was dressed in a fetching skeleton suit and provided suitable acoustic ambience around the trail in the form of the spooky soundtrack emanating from her mini ghetto blaster. Nice touch that. Added spookiness was provided by a couple of caped ghouls in Scream masks who seemed to crop up everywhere. (Turned out that this was Stevie Blunder and Miss Bean – but then who else could have run fast enough to always be on check first?) A well set trail – perfect length and managing largely to avoid the residue from the WLH trail of the previous week. We were on the lookout for bodies lying dead in ditches, but the only two Borises to be seen appeared to be very much alive.

Back in the Brewery, we were treated to a selection of 4 beers of which I believe 3 had been brewed specially for this occasion. Then the pizzas arrived! Enough for 1/2 a pizza each, so even the hoard of hungry West London and City hashers could only just finish them. Next on to the circle, presided over by RA Whacker, who proceeded to hand out Ram Brewery beer to just about anyone on any pretext. Oh, and there were some virgins who were introduced into the delights of hashing. A great night out.

Run 1782, The Plough, Clapham, 24th October 2019

Our hares for the evening were Ryde and Table Whine, who managed to set a largely off-road trail making optimal use of the green spaces of Wordsworth Common.

They appeared to have achieved the perfect balance of checks and false trails, as the whole pack kept together for virtually the whole hash. The RA had managed to appease the rain gods so that we were able to complete the run with nothing worse than wet feet after the deluge earlier in the day. At less than 7km, the shortish trail seemed to meet with general approval, getting everyone back to the Plough well in time for the first pint of the evening (or second in some cases). Circle was overseen by RA Whacker, with usual down-downs being handed out to visitors and returnees.

Run 1781, The Eight Bells, Putney , 17th October 2019

Our hare for the evening was More For Less, who set a neat trail around Putney and Fulham, via Putney and Wandsworth bridges. The RA had done his job well, and the weather remained dry for the duration of the hash. The hare wisely decided to forgo a drink stop so that we could be back in the pub and commence our drinking well before the arrival of the rugby club. The added incentive was the provision of hash food by the Eight Bells, which turned out to be an excellent tasty and filling chicken curry. In fact the pub did us proud with quick service and decent beer for the whole evening, in spite of having to deal with the rugby club influx.

In the circle RA Whacker dished out the usual down-downs to the hare, our visitors, and various miscreants. All in all, a good evening’s hashing.

Run 1779, The Stags head, Portland Place, 3rd October 2019

This week’s run was hared by Lay Me (with drink stop assistance from Called Away), and supposedly was to celebrate the 70th anniversary of the foundation of the Peoples Republic of China. We were treated to a tour around the West End, surprisingly under the circumstances missing out on Chinatown, even though we passed very nearby. We ended up with a drink stop outside the Chinese Consulate in Portland Place, with plenty of beer and wine on offer, plus fortune cookies and other Chinese themed nibbles. My cookie revealed that: ‘you will find great fortune in unexpected places’. I’m still waiting.

Back in the Stags Head, RA Butt Plug presided over a fairly brief circle, at which down downs were awarded to the hare and our various visitors. The reason for the brevity was the imminent arrival of the traditional Stags Head hashers feast, kindly provided by the pub landlord. That shut everyone up for a good few minutes. Normal beer lubricated socialising resumed for the remainder of the evening.

Run 1778, The Adelaide, Teddington 26th September 2019

This trail was to have been hared by KC but apparently he has done his back in (get well soon KC), so Dingo and Foreskin agreed to take over the hare role at relatively short notice. So it was that we set off for a very enjoyable run around Bushy Park, thanks to a well marked trail and the fact that heavy rain from earlier in the day held off for most of the evening. Thankfully no hashers were rutted by amorous stags during the run.

A drink stop was on offer, featuring (I think) a refreshing gin and prosecco cocktail, accompanied by Foreskin’s home made sausage rolls.
Back in the pub, RA duties were ably performed by Butt Plug and the usual suspects were awarded their down-downs. I managed to avoid one myself due to Stevie Blunder being visually challenged and mistakenly identifying another, totally innocent, hasher as me and therefore guilty of my misdemeanour. The evening in Teddington was not totally wasted for Bulldozer, who managed to stock up on Christmas presents for her family by rummaging through the recycling bins left out by us wealthy, posh, Teddington residents.