Author Archives: New Balls

Run 1781, The Eight Bells, Putney , 17th October 2019

Our hare for the evening was More For Less, who set a neat trail around Putney and Fulham, via Putney and Wandsworth bridges. The RA had done his job well, and the weather remained dry for the duration of the hash. The hare wisely decided to forgo a drink stop so that we could be back in the pub and commence our drinking well before the arrival of the rugby club. The added incentive was the provision of hash food by the Eight Bells, which turned out to be an excellent tasty and filling chicken curry. In fact the pub did us proud with quick service and decent beer for the whole evening, in spite of having to deal with the rugby club influx.

In the circle RA Whacker dished out the usual down-downs to the hare, our visitors, and various miscreants. All in all, a good evening’s hashing.

Run 1779, The Stags head, Portland Place, 3rd October 2019

This week’s run was hared by Lay Me (with drink stop assistance from Called Away), and supposedly was to celebrate the 70th anniversary of the foundation of the Peoples Republic of China. We were treated to a tour around the West End, surprisingly under the circumstances missing out on Chinatown, even though we passed very nearby. We ended up with a drink stop outside the Chinese Consulate in Portland Place, with plenty of beer and wine on offer, plus fortune cookies and other Chinese themed nibbles. My cookie revealed that: ‘you will find great fortune in unexpected places’. I’m still waiting.

Back in the Stags Head, RA Butt Plug presided over a fairly brief circle, at which down downs were awarded to the hare and our various visitors. The reason for the brevity was the imminent arrival of the traditional Stags Head hashers feast, kindly provided by the pub landlord. That shut everyone up for a good few minutes. Normal beer lubricated socialising resumed for the remainder of the evening.

Run 1778, The Adelaide, Teddington 26th September 2019

This trail was to have been hared by KC but apparently he has done his back in (get well soon KC), so Dingo and Foreskin agreed to take over the hare role at relatively short notice. So it was that we set off for a very enjoyable run around Bushy Park, thanks to a well marked trail and the fact that heavy rain from earlier in the day held off for most of the evening. Thankfully no hashers were rutted by amorous stags during the run.

A drink stop was on offer, featuring (I think) a refreshing gin and prosecco cocktail, accompanied by Foreskin’s home made sausage rolls.
Back in the pub, RA duties were ably performed by Butt Plug and the usual suspects were awarded their down-downs. I managed to avoid one myself due to Stevie Blunder being visually challenged and mistakenly identifying another, totally innocent, hasher as me and therefore guilty of my misdemeanour. The evening in Teddington was not totally wasted for Bulldozer, who managed to stock up on Christmas presents for her family by rummaging through the recycling bins left out by us wealthy, posh, Teddington residents.

Run 1774, Duffy’s, Northfields, 12th September 2019

This year Pope’s Birthday Hash was, as usual, hared by Pope himself. However, rather than setting the ‘usual’ trail along the canal, etc, we were instead offered a trail around the leafy parks of Ealing, the Queen of Suburbs, featuring several false trails. Somehow the trail managed to wind its way to chez Pope (the Vatican?) where a welcome beer stop was on offer. Sadly, the greedy bastards on Monday’s London Hash had already eaten all the birthday cake, so we had to forgo that pleasure.

Usual merry revelries back at Duffy’s, overseen by RA Butt Plug. After that, everything was a bit of a blur to be honest. Hopefully everyone made it home in good time to be up and away on Friday for the WLH weekend in Bath.

Run 1773, The Ship, Mortlake, 5th September 2019

Hare for the evening was Backdoor Boy, who set a fine trail around Mortlake, and ultimately on to Kew, where we were treated to a drink stop outside his pad next to the Kew Records Office. There was some concern before we set out about the potential length of the trail, bearing in mind that the hare’s previous efforts had resulted in a 10 mile run. Thankfully this trail was a perfect 7.5km, so no problems on that front.

With at least 3 virgins and the same number of visitors, KMA’s job as RA was quite a busy one. I forget what most of the charges related to other than Pope’s down down for excessive display of his lycra wrapped man-bulge. Luckily Dingo was on hand to cover the offending meat and two veg with a leopard skin thong, thus sparing the delicate sensibilities of the assembled harriettes.

Run 1772 – The Magpie and Crown, Brentford, 29th August 2019

A return to familiar Brentford haunts for our hare, 2AM, and your scribe (and Knickers). They are still in the process of knocking Brentford down, but about 12 years too late in my opinion. Anyway, our hare laid a trail around Brentford old and new, and we got to see the new blue road leading to the shortly-to-be-closed Brewery Tap. Then on to the new Brentford football ground at Kew Bridge station, on on for a nostalgic run around the old Griffin Park stadium, before finally heading down the canal to a welcome beer stop.

Back in the Magpie and Crown we were faced with a bewildering choice of fine ales and a hash feast laid on by the landlord, who just happens to be 2AM’s next-door neighbour. Much appreciated, thanks! In the circle we were treated to an RA double act comprising Pope and Robocop, with some fine repartee as a result, including dog impressions by Petal and some weird dance performed by Ryde, Table Whine and a couple of our visitors.

Run 1771 – The Half Moon, Putney, 22nd August 2019

And now for something completely different! Our hare for the evening, Stevie Blunder, informed the pack that this would be a live hare run, with somewhat unusual false trail/check markings. Possibly only two people at the briefing were actually able to follow his instructions, but nevertheless, the rest of us somehow managed to make it round to the drink-stop, and had a very enjoyable trail around Putney – Barnes Common.

Back at the Half Moon, RA Whacker presided over the circle, and the usual range of down-downs were awarded to the usual suspects. The pub treated us well with a fine selection of beers and hash chips!

Run 1770 – The Albany, Teddington, 15th August 2019

Good work again this week by the RA in arranging for perfect weather for our pleasant run around Twickenham, ably hared by Minge & Tonic. A fine trail, exploring some of the back alleys of Twickenham, whilst managing to avoid many of the more commonly used routes. Drink stop provided overlooking Eel Pie Island.

Back in the Albany, RA Whacker presided over the circle, awarding down-downs as appropriate. Recipients included our two guests from Zimbabwe, as well as a particularly large pack of 5 dogs.

Run 1769 – The Forresters, Hampton Wick, 8th August 2019

This weeks run was hared by your scribe, and involved a largely off-road trail around Home Park and Bushey Park. (I continue to be amazed as to how deserted Home Park is. We were the only people in the whole park that evening.) Drink stop provided thanks to the assistance of Come Forth in Orange and Pickled Fart.

The new landlord of the Foresters excelled himself by offering up hash chips and keeping the establishment open until well after midnight, resulting in some well lubricated hashers by the end of the evening.